DATING DOUCHEBAGS (LAWYERS)

Dating a lawyer is the worst possible scenario I can think of. Because I work in the legal field, I get set up and matched up a lot with lawyers and let me just tell you, they are such assholes! They range from either overcompensating for not being something sexy like a divorce laywer or a litigator by arguing every goddamn point with you, to defending every fucking person you mention who annoys you to shoving the law down your throat to prove they know more than you. A recent lawyer I IM'ed with was a wonderful mix of all three!

First he's a lawyer for the MTA who needs to let me know how stupid everyone else is and how he is just being wasted at his job. Oh bravo LegalEagle, way to start this off with a chip on your shoulder!!

Then when we are talking about childhood and growing up, he asks me if I would go to back to the town I grew up in and I said no, that I wasn't happy there and he wants to know why so I tell him something vague like "well since my dad passed away when we were children, I kind of had to work to help support the family at a really young age so I didn't really have much time to make friends, but these people weren't the nicest people either." There is truly a whole backstory but its stupid and I don't get into it with strangers. His response was "well I worked as a kid too and I still had time to make friends, and I'm still friends with them today!" Oh good for you fuckface, way to take a situation you know nothing about and a person you know nothing about and pass judgement! So then I mention that the schools I went to were full of jappy bitches and jocks and since I "poor" I was treated like shit and I don't care to move back there again. His response "well maybe you are holding on to a preconcieved snub and not giving them the benefit of the doubt?" WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THIS?? Did I just sign up for therapy? Who the fuck are you to be fucking judge me?!?!?!

At this point I'm pretty pissed because in addition him being a lawyer he's also completely without a sense of humor, for example:

me "I place a lot of emphasis on chemistry when meeting a person"
him "oh you're a science major" (UGH LOSER)
me "I went to a SUNY school upstate"
him "you went to a sunny school where you studied science" (DOUBLE UGH with an eyeroll and a kick in the nuts)

I finally had to tell him to stop that "running joke" because "it wasn't funny the first time" and his response was "well it wasn't meant to be a joke or funny"

WHAT? THAT WAS A SERIOUS RESPONSE!?!?

So the next day he catches me online and he wants to know more about what I do, and I figure I should give this guy another session and see if he's still the same. So I tell him about the type of law (internet commerce) that I deal with and he starts in on me about "why is that illegal?", "get some experts", "maybe you should pay them more", "what is this, what is that?" what is nothing dude, I'm not taking a goddamn fucking test!! If you're interested, be interested, but don't try to catch me up and argue fucking case law with me, I don't give a flying fuck and I could care less what you know. Which btw way isn't much, it was like explaining why the sky is blue to a 3 year old.

But speaking of children, after about an hour of this I am ready to bolt, so I start making noises about having to be up early and he starts in about his 15 year old daughter. WHOA NELLY!! Turns out his profile isn't exactly accurate, he's divorced, a 15 year old daughter, and 5 years older than he said he was, which puts him in his 50's. Yeah, no thanks, see ya later if I don't see ya first - dickhead.