Sunday, August 20, 2006


I have a friend who lives in San Francisco and all she does is complain about how she never meets men there and that there are no dateable men in the entire city. WTF did she expect?!?!?! She moved to the one city that has more gay men than NYC!! Its so fucking annoying to hear her bitch about this because 1. its her own choice and 2. its not like she goes out of her way to find single men anyway! She believes that they will just find her, like she sends out some fucking Batman honing system that handsome, rich, eligible bachelors can see. In addition to her not going out to places where one might find a dateable man, she has the most ludicrious list of requirements*; including but not limited to:
  • he must be in the finance business, making at least a mill a year
  • he must be at least 6' 2" tall, but not taller than 6' 5"**
  • he must be brunette but not black hair
  • he must golf
  • he must be muscular but not *too* muscular
  • he must not ride a bicycle
  • upon marriage she will quit her job, but not to raise kids, just to not work anymore
  • he must be willing to give up all decision making privileges

Now I'm sure there are men out there that actually fit this bill but are they interested in meeting a woman who is:

  • completely high strung
  • gets herself into the most ridiculous situations just so she can bitch about them
  • complains NONFUCKINGSTOP, whether its a restaurant choice, her friends, her job, her car, the traffic, the elevator, coffee too hot/cold, the heat, the cold, (you get the picture) but does absolutely NOTHING to change any of these situations.
  • is completely incapable of small talk. I mean does not know anything. No celebrity gossip, no politics except for what her father tells her, no current affairs. Every joke you have to explain to her, every story you have to back track to where you're saying things like "...and on the 7th day God rested...". Its fucking unreal that a woman her age (mid 30's), living in a large urban city, graduate degreed, can be this effing retarded!!
  • is totally obsessed with an ex from over a year ago, to the point where she stalks his company's internet to look for him yet she believes that HE'S obsessed with her***!

When confronted with the sheer ridiculousness of her demands and told maybe she should try being a little more openminded, she merely goes back to the tired old "it doesn't matter because there are no men here anyway" or "so and so met someone and I'm soooo much better than them!". UGH! A Cosmo! woman she is not! I think her problem is she just needs to get laid. Maybe I'll hire her a gigolo for her birthday - if anything it will be a new story she can bitch about, I'm sooo bored with this one!!

*subject to change on a whim of course

**I swear she actually told me that one day

***he's not, he actually moved to another city soon after they broke up and has not so much as even IM'ed her since, although she stalks his IM and as further proof of his disinterest, every time she "bumped" into him in public he's been with different women.

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