MOUTH OPEN EATER

Recently, I was on this date with a guy I met online. Distinguished looking, good job, seemed witty. But I should just give it up. Every guy I've met on this site is ridiculously unacceptable dating material (which is why they are on this site). First annoyance; after telling him that I do not travel into the city on the weekends, he suggests we meet in the city. Ok, whatever, he's illiterate, not a crime -YET. I meet up with him and the first thing I notice is that he is old. The first thing he notices are my breasts, which he stares at freely (which normally would be ok with me, I don't have much in the way of personality so breasts have to work overtime) which is creepy because he's so old. And his hair is completely sticking straight up and all over his head. Own a brush, brother?? So, I'm here, he knows its me, I can't duck out, I suck it up with the consolation of a couple of free drinks but now annoyance number 2 - he's a loud talker :( and his conversation consists of:

1. that we're on online date (thanks mister subtle, I'm pretty sure that group of tourists heard you but yes saying it AGAIN at a higher decible is a great idea! They ARE tourists.)

2. a date he was on where the woman was "smelly". Like BO/halitosis smelly. He clearly does not know how to censor his stories because even though she was smelly they went back to her place, made out, and then he had another date with her.

3. his roommate. Here is a guy who is got to be in his 50's WITH A FUCKING ROOMMATE.

4. his asian fetish

5. how his asian fetish is not a fetish, its a preference. Riiiiiiiiight, I see the distinction now, its totally less creepy.

After about an hour of this nonsense, I'm ready to go. But OOOH NO! Not Mister LoudTalker! He's just getting warmed up. Seeing that there would be no gracious exit from this date, I tell him I'm going to the bathroom to see if maybe I can make a run for it (that last part I kept to myself). No such luck - MLT has followed me. WTF? Can't a girl even ditch a date with dignity anymore?! I return, with him in tow, and I feel like a chastened schoolgirl who has been caught showing her knickers. After another hour of inane chatter that touched on asians "running things", his dead cat, the Iraq war, the smell in his car and me needing to be up early (its 3 in the afternoon) he decides he wants to eat. This is by far the most repugnant annoyance. As it turns out, not only is Mister Loud Talker, a loud talker, but he's also an open mouth chewer! Does he have any idea how repulsive half masticated ravioli shooting out of his mouth onto my salad is?!?! Fucking infants have better table manners! Tell me, how the fuck does a man get to be his age without learning some fucking etiquette?!

Someone, PLEASE, tell me why I continue to do this??s