TW HELL 2 – NOW WITH MORE HELL!

So as I mentioned before the cable box does not work. I didn’t know this but apparently the best feature of TWHell is that you are never EVER done. This is our convo:

TWRep: You have to call us to set up a signal to the box.
Me: Ok, well no one told me, can you do that now?
TWR: No, you have to call when you are home.
Me: Why do I need to be home for you to send a signal?
TWR: That’s how it works.
Me: Ok, but why? Why do I have to be home if you’re just sending a signal??
TWR: Because we need to use the same line as your home phone line.
ME: (WTF?!)* But my home phone line is my cell phone; can’t I just call you now to do it?
TWR: Yes, no... Ma’am the only thing I can suggest…
Me: (cutting in now) Just tell me, why do I have to be home? How will you even know where I am, if I am calling from a cell phone?!**
TWR: Because we need to know if it works.***
Me: Why can’t you just do it now and I’ll call you when I get home if it DOESN’T work? Instead of me having to call again if it’s not necessary??
TWR: Ma’am the only thing I can suggest…
Me: UGH, *click* dialtone….

Seriously, these guys have surpassed the DMV in shitty customer service!! I have just had it and would cancel the whole fucking thing but then I wouldn’t be able to watch Flavor of Love and reruns of Seinfeld and The Golden Girls 27 times a day. FUCKING TIMEWARNER!! I CURSE YOU FROM THE DEPTHS OF MY SOUL!!!! Mark my words, some day soon, maybe not today, maybe not next week I will have cable. You may have won this battle my friend, but I will win the war.****


*Inner monologue
**shrill, very shrill
***ok, that makes sense, but why couldn’t she just say that in the beginning? You know she’s reading through a manual of responses to irate customer queries!
****I will never win, I am in total denial. I will be forced to get a shitty satellite dish that everyone makes fun of and I’ll just cry every time Family Guy goes out and I have to climb on my roof to readjust it and then I’ll FALL OFF THE GODDAMN ROOF and have to get major reconstructive surgery and they’ll give me a new face so when I finally get out of my coma no one will recognize me, I’ll have no friends, no family, no life, no money, no cable, just this shitty blog to keep me from sobbing 24/7 . How can you sleep at night, TWHell!?!?