HOW DO I HATE THEE, LET ME COUNT THE WAYS

So for the one regular reader I have (besides myself), you know that I hate the people I work with. Not my job mind you, just the people I am forced to interact with on a daily basis. On the off chance I didn't make my point, take yesterday's rere's.

Exhibit A

New sales person sends me terms to review from a client. I respond and say we cannot agree to those terms and I need him to send me the terms in a word document so that I can edit them to our satisfaction. Now most normal people realize at this point that their deal is on "hold" until both parties can hammer out the details. Not super-genius douchenozzle sales guy!! He sends me an email saying that we can use their terms because they signed them already. WTF?!?! Did you not just read my email stating that we CANNOT USE THOSE TERMS BECAUSE WE WILL NOT AGREE TO THEM??? Then the idiot sends the client an email telling them they need to sign the word version of the terms (which, unless they magically negotiated themselves - are still the same unacceptable terms from before). Now the client wants to know why they have to sign those in addition to the terms they already signed and sent. Which is a legitimate question on their part because the fucking moron neglected to mention to the client that we were going to be negotiating them! THEN he sends me an email asking me to "clarify" why we can't use the original signed terms!! At this point I heard a blood vessel pop in my brain and I had to leave to stick flaming toothpicks under my nails.

Exhibit B

You may remember a recent post about another MENSA candidate. Today's "issue" consisted of her flipping out at one of my employees because he has been asking her for a week to get a client to send a new IO. The problem is that their order has an item that we will not be providing for them on it, and since we are not providing it, we cannot sign orders FOR MONEY that we are not going to actually deliver. Once its signed our finance group will charge them for that product! Now some extremists might even go so far as to say that its ILLEGAL to sign orders for things you are not going to deliver, but not MENSA-girl! She doesn't see why its a big deal and she "doesn't want to deal with them anymore". Oh pussycat, you're so overworked and underappreciated. *tear* Yes MG, why don't we also go put a unicorn on there and maybe a Ferrari and have them sign it! I'm sure when the auditors go through their books they won't find anything wrong with their client paying for things that they never actually got! Oh and yes, its a good idea to start going shouty-crackers on an employee who holds the power to reject every order you ever submit again! My mom always said, if you want something done right, do it yourself. Well you did it, you've turned us all against you, and all on your own too! GUURRRL POWER!

Exhibit C

New sales girl wants to know "why we can't just catch all the email spammers and put them in jail?" Oh, you know, what a good idea, lets get on that asap! Good thing they hired a thinktank like yourself! Now why don't you go back to shoving your tits in all the boys faces and let the grown ups do some work.