YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS??

People who stare at your food when you're eating and comment on it. Why can't I get some fucking privacy here?? There is no sit down eating area in our office so you either have to use a conference room or sit at your desk (eating outside isn't even an option, we wear collars that emit a shock when we go past the confines of the glass door) and we don't have cubes so its all an open plan and its like I just want to eat my fucking omelette in peace without you being all like "ohhh is that bacon? i can't eat bacon, how can you eat bacon - its so bad for you" or "that smells good, where'd you get it?" or "ooooh mickey d's!" or "I love those salads at cosi, that bread is soooooo good!" Yeah motherfucker I like them too and I like to eat them without John Fucking Madden running a play by play commentary!!! So shut the fuck up, don't stop at my desk, don't ask me questions, you know what, don't even make eye contact, even if I am not eating - because I hate you anyway.