Thursday, August 24, 2006
I WORK WITH THE MENTALLY CHALLENGED
It’s true. They are all morons. The more credit you give them the more disappointed you are until you’re crying in your beer at the end of day mumbling in a low monotone “How?? How can they be so stupid??”. And the thing is; they just are. Now my job requires me to explain legal terms and policies to sales people and really, legal terms to a sales person? Sales people are one step up from frogs. There are monkeys who could do a better job. If one more person asks me “Can you give me an example of when our terms prevented us from being sued or made us money?”* my head will fucking explode. My response is normally to guzzle my drink, take a deep breath and then state: “YOU FUCKING MORON, TERMS ARE NOT COUPONS, IF YOU DON’T GET SUED THEN YOUR TERMS ARE WORKING YOU FUCKING IDIOT SPAZZCOCK, DON’T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN UNLESS YOU’RE TAKING MY ORDER AT DENNY'S AND I'M NOT CONVINCED YOU'RE EVEN QUALIFIED FOR THAT JOB!!”
Yesterday's tomfoolery consisted of a certain not smart person in Chicago, causing much pain and suffering by breathing and knowing how to use Outlook. Three days she’s been trying to push a deal through and 3 days my staff is telling her that they can’t until she fixes something and she doesn’t get it. She finally (hallelujah!) gets it today and acts like she didn’t waste our fucking time for 3 days but I have had it! I send her a very professional yet snotty email basically stating that she should listen to what we tell her without a whole lot of fuss but what I really want to say is “DON’T EVER FUCKING QUESTION US AGAIN OR I WILL CUT YOU BITCH!” But I am nothing if not professional.