TOP 10: LIES

I'm starting a new series that will be published erratically, and not always consist of 10 items. The first in this series is:

Top Ten Lies

1 - What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. - um yeah, this doesn't work so well when your friends have big mouths and you have a marriage license that comes back to haunt you!
2 - I'll call you. - do we even have to list this one?
3 - It tastes like chicken! - please, if it tasted like chicken it would be called chicken. Something called "beaver ass" is NOT going to taste like chicken!
4 - Don't worry, they'll love you! - nope, they won't,what they will be doing though is judging you and talking about you behind your back.
5 - It's easy, if I can do it, anyone can! - no, its never that easy, because if we all could do it, then wouldn't we already be doing it?!
6 - Some assembly required. - yeah if "some" means 3 weeks of you frantically trying to match up that pile of sticks on the floor to the picture on the box and then crying into an empty bottle of Jack Daniels that you're useless and then putting an ad on Craiglist that says "Free Sticks, you must pick them up, look for the house with the sticks being thrown out the window."
7 - Your newborn baby is so cute! - ugh, newborns are not cute, they all look like wrinkled, red, old men, regardless of the sex. And the ones that are born with a full head of hair are even scarier!
8 - I read the Wall Street Journal every morning. - ok, even if this is not a lie, it's so douchey that you don't want to believe people you know actually say things like this.
9 - I never look at porn. - Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, you have a computer but you've never "accidentally" let your mouse click on any porn sites. I may have been born at night, but it wasn't last night!

That's all I have for now, but feel free to leave your top lies in the comments section so I can snigger over how stupid they are!