IS THAT HOW THEY GET THE HOLES IN IT?!

What is American Cheese? I mean as an American, it's kind of embarrassing that our cheese is so generic that it just tastes like goo, and that it comes individually wrapped. And the white variety, that one doesn't even have a taste!! Come on, swiss cheese has those cool holes and that nutty flavor and English cheese is nasty, and French cheeses are stinky and Greek cheese (feta, it might not be just Greek but I associate it with Greece because it comes on my Greek salads) is salty and crumbly. Why is our cheese the pussy of cheeses? Is it the individual wrapping that makes it American, saying "I'm too busy to actually slice a piece of cheese, I need to have this pre-cut, pre-sized and ready to melt at the snap of a finger so I can get back to wheeling and dealing and making love to the ladies!!" Or is the blandness of the cheese itself a commentary on the boring, pre-fabricated lives we live? Can you believe I am now reduced to a rant on cheese? I should maybe not drink when I write these. Actually I think this is a fascinating topic and I would like to get a town hall or something together to discuss this very real and hard hitting topic. It's a matter of national security, only communist would not attend this. And you're not a COMMIE, ARE YOU?!?!?!!