Too many ridiculous happenings this past week so I will just narrow it down to a few choice observations made by my family, the blanks can be filled in with copious amounts of drinking and alone time.
on the native bahamians - "boy they're really dark down here, do you think we're close to the equator?" and "they really are a jovial type people"
At every fucking meal "oh they have grouper here, that must be their native fish, I think I'll have the grouper, the grouper is so fresh, it must be their native dish, the grouper, grouper fucking grouper..." Also can substitute "conch" for "grouper".
"do I look fat in this tank top?"
"the rum here tastes so much better than the rum at home." (he was drinking a jack and coke.)
Younger brother's miserable GIRLFRIEND
on having to wait 30 minutes for our entrees at a veeeery nice restaurant "lets dine and dash"
"If you want jewelry, you should follow the ladies that sell them, sometimes they drop necklaces in the sand and you get them for free!"
"Don't walk to the soda machine by yourself, you'll get raped."
"Watch out for bug bites, you'll get malaria."
"Don't get a sunburn, you'll get a fever."
"Doesn't (younger brother) look fat in that tank top?!"
"Who the fuck charged $200 at the bar to my room before I even arrived?!"
3 year old NEPHEW
"(his younger brother) did a poopie and I sniffed his butt!"
"Nana did a poopie!"
"(his younger sister) did a poopie in the bushes!" (don't worry she did it in her diaper but apparently she likes privacy for these moments and had to wander over to a shrub to push one out.)
"I won $8.30 in nickels at the casino!!"
The NATIVES and everyone else
on me, the one non caucasian in the group - "Are you the nanny?" or "I saw your nanny on the beach earlier." or "That's your daughter? I thought she was their nanny!"
I can't wait for Mexico next year!!