ANYTHING FOR RATINGS

You know, I can't help get the feeling that this is all a calculated ploy to get people to see this shitty ass movie. The promoters are like "ok, someone has to take a hit for this movie, Kevin Costner won't do it, so let's give Kelsey a stroke." They would have killed him but they realized that even dead, people wouldn't see this stinker! I see a dangerous hollywood trend.

I suggest they start with reality show stars first.

CABBAGE - THE OTHER LETTUCE

In yet another "these people are so fucking weird" post, I've never seen cabbage used so much as I have since I moved to SF. In burritos, as a side dish, in sandwiches instead of lettuce - s it's fucking everywhere! It's so fucking weird.

YO QUiERO TACO BELL, NO MAS!

Have you seen this from report from the CDC ? Is it me or is the CDC working working with GW on a new plan to keep our borders protected? First its tomatoes, then jalapenos and serrano peppers and now cilantro?? This is a devious plan to scare the shit out of us and turn us against Mexicans. What's next, corn tortillas??

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

Um, I just saw a woman wearing ear muffs. WTF?? EARMUFFS? IN CALIFORNIA?? These people are so fucking weird.

PIECEOFSCHMIDT

I really hate the voices on the first season of Family Guy. Especially Lois'. It's so nasal and condescending.

WHAT'S A'HAPPENIN' HOT STUFF

I find it odd? Ironic? Redundant?? That San Francisco, a city that in my admittedly non-scientific poll is like 200% asian has a Chinatown. And a Japantown. There'd be less asian people if you went to China!

GIVE A HOOT...

This is most likely going to get me on a 'watch' list somewhere but I have to share my every thought with you, Dear Diary.

There have been all these wildfires raging all over California and depending on the wind you can smell them in San Francisco (where I live). The other morning I went out for a run and I guess the wind was just right because there was this heavenly scent of burning grasses and wood and my first thought was "oh how lovely" and I inhaled deeply, because it reminded me of fires we'd build as a family at our cabin and sit around and tell stories and then when I got back I was watching the news and they were saying how it was all those forest fires and then I felt bad for liking the smell because acres of land on fire is not good and all those poor animals who couldn't get to a red cross shelter fast enough are being barbequed alive, and then (this is really shameful) I went out and smelled it some more. I mean its not like it smelled a crematorium or ground zero, it was such a nice woodsy smell. Anyway if you don't hear from me, send out the guard, I've probably been kidnapped by some lunatic fringe "smokey the bear" sect.

CALL ME OLDE-FASHIONED...

I was watching a show a few days ago and there was this one scene where the woman was "seducing" a man and she started eating spaghetti with her fingers. Have I missed something here? Eating a saucy strand of pasta with your fingers is not sexy to me, its laziness! Do you not have a fork? There are so many other foods out there that you can eat with your fingers, strawberries, chicken nuggets, I'll even give you peanut butter! But spaghetti??? It just isn't done!

SOMETIMES I HATE PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE THEY'RE UGLY

YEAH THAT'S MY GIRL

I came across this clip today, I love this movie!

WHO NEEDS A CLEAN SLATE?

I'm packing all my shit and I gotta say, I have a lot of shit. I came across an old Billy Doll, where the hell did that come from?! I have about 6 broken remotes and basically every phone I've ever owned. I found shoes that were so old they were dried out and the soles curling up. And there is like 2 feet of dust bunnies in the backs of all my closets. I hate packing, the backs of closets were meant for this stuff, I wish I could just leave all of it and set this place on fire!

I HATE YOU

You know when you come across some obscure piece of information like the Jackson 5 were all hermaphrodites and you share it with people, isn't there always that one annoying guy who is like "oh, yeah, they ALL were" like you're a fucking idiot for not knowing it. I hate that guy.

THE TRUTH HURTS

Yesterday I was walking from work to the subway and there was a whole gang of girls hanging outside this project or whatever it is and one of them says to me "you ugly". I wasn't even looking at her, she just passed me and said that. I thought that was uncalled for, she was no beauty either. I was going to say "so are you" but I was afraid she'd beat my ass and put it on youtube.

BIG NEWS

So it's official, I am moving to San Francisco! One of the divisions within my company offered me a position and I took it! I'm leaving in a few weeks so things are moving fast now! Anyway, don't fret, I'll still update from there, I'm pretty sure they have the internet in California.

I'D RATHER WATCH MILF ISLAND

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KEEPING UP WITH KARDASHIANS - OW OW OW OW OW

This is so close to the real show, it's hard to tell them apart.

HART'S SEAFOOD

The werewolf bar-mitzvah buffet

WHERE IN THE WORLD IS: MY PACKAGE??

I fucking hate Amazon.com, they are totally useless. They say "get it tomorrow if you order in the next 7 hours and choose next day shipping" so I do that and pay over $9 in shipping when I could get it for free and then next day, no package! So I check my order and it says "delivery estimate March 31st" and now today, no fucking package. So I just checked my account again and it says "delivery estimate April 2nd". Now I'm not fucking retarded, I know how to read the fine print, I've ordering shit online for years and I know all the shipping scams and I have just had it! I mean do they think that because they can change it anytime they want to then they are not bound to their policies? Fucking bullshit. I'm so peeved. Don't shop at Amazon ever again!

THIS IS SO WRONG

EXCUSES

Ok, one of my employees just used the "I have bad cramps" excuse to get to work late, is it me or is that excuse a little dated? I mean you use that to get out of gym class in 8th grade, not to be an hour late to work! Just say you overslept or something, right?