THIS IS SO WRONG

EXCUSES

Ok, one of my employees just used the "I have bad cramps" excuse to get to work late, is it me or is that excuse a little dated? I mean you use that to get out of gym class in 8th grade, not to be an hour late to work! Just say you overslept or something, right?

ANOTHER THING THAT IS DEAD TO ME

How the fuck is this gossip and NOT self promotion?!?! I am so fucking over Page 6!

Just Asking Makes '30 Rock'
PAGE Six will be featured prominently in the April 10 episode of "30 Rock," the first show taped after the writers' strike ended. Network boss Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin) is watching the season finale of his hit reality show, "MILF Island" - where the final two MILFs, Debra and Deborah, battle it out - and riding high on this programming feat, when he is blindsided by a blind item on Page Six. A staffer at the network's fictional "The Girlie Show" had called Donaghy a "class-A moron." Bad timing, since Jack is in the running for chairman and had high hopes that the success of "MILF Island" would help him seal the deal. In an effort to identify the disloyal employee, Donaghy forces Jonathan (Maulik Pancholy) to turn up the heat in the writers' room until one of them breaks.

I WANTS

Please buy this t-shirt for me!!!

WINNERS???

Why does God do this? Those gross women do not deserve to win over 276 million dollars, they have no IDEA what to do with it! I on the other hand have many good ideas, such as buying a solid gold helicopter and hiring someone to make me smoothies all day. That's what you do with sudden inexplicable wealth. They'll probably do something sensible like pay off mortgages and put together college funds. UGH. And why are the winners always a group of unnattractive people from the middle of America who work in canning factories or bowling alleys. It's just not fair.

MR F

I was watching one of those movie critic shows the other day and they were interviewing Charlize Theron and all I have to say is she's lucky she's pretty. She came off as a stuttering, mumbling, bumbling buffoon. I'm not sure she actually completed a sentence through the whole interview.

A TRICK IS SOMETHING A WHORE DOES FOR MONEY...OR COCAINE!

I have a bit of a cold today, just stuffy and foggy headed but that makes everything like 1000x more annoying. Like our MIS guy. He's totally fucking useless on a good day (which in his world starts at 10:30 and ends at 4, with a 90 minute break for lunch in between) but today he's really going for some prize. We have to "ticket" everything that we need fixed so I sent a ticket last week to get my voicemail password reset since I can't remember mine. No one responded so I sent another update on the ticket yesterday and I saw that someone assigned it to him but still no reset. Then I sent another different ticket because my Treo hasn't been synching correctly since daylight savings time and he didn't look at that ticket either! So I see him this morning and he's like a fucking terrified chihuhua when he speaks to me, shaking and fumbling with his hat in his hands and its like MAN THE FUCK UP! Look me in the eye and tell me you're fixing my shit. That's all I want to hear, I don't give a good fuck that you got in late or you missed my ticket or that someone else was supposed to do it! Just get it done! Excuses are for pussies. And that brings to me to today's post. hulu.com. It's a great site for tv and movies (its legal which means there are ads in between the shows but still worth it). I am watching some soothing Veggie Tales movie now. They also have all 3 seasons of Arrested Development and if you haven't watched that show, you have no excuse now. There will be a quiz next week.

SEX IS NATURAL, SEX IS FUN

So our old governor was sleeping with hookers and now our new governor had an affair while he was married (can you have an affair if you're not married? Does "affair" cover it all so saying "while married" is redundant? Does it matter?). I was going to write this whole rant about how americans should take a page from other sexier countries and be less of a prude and stop caring so much about people having sex, whether it be extramarital, a threesome with your driver, NSA craigslist hookups, what have you. But then I started ranting with other people and realized that not everyone is so hung up on this as the NYPost is. So I will spare you the full rant.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE "FRIENDS" ANYMORE?

Is it me or are men just naturally greedy assholes? I'm talking now in a business sense but I'm sure it can be applied to other things. Here's the deal. About a year or so ago I had this idea for a reality show. I was talking to a friend of mine and literally before I could get a whole fucking thought out this guy was trying to shake me down for percentages and shit! I mean he did say that he knew an agent who could help us but he had me roped into a verbal contract before I could even think about it, let alone agree! Then the other night I was talking to another friend about a website idea that I had and the same fucking thing! Before I could finish my whole idea he was hiring staff and wondering how to get VC funding and of course, wanting 50% of the business! I did some research over the weekend and it looks like there are already patents out there for this type of site so it's pretty much DOA now, so I emailed him this morning and "fired" him so to speak, but he hasn't responded, I just hope to fucking god he hasn't told anyone, I mean when I say he was hiring people, he was, he was talking about meetings next week and frankly these were not people I'd hire. Even though this idea might not pan out, I could use it down the road to fashion something else and if he's blabbing all over town, I can't have that! I just don't trust this guy, he sent me a text over the weekend and I asked him again to NDA himself and he stopped texting me and now I emailed him and he's not responding, I just hope he's not responding because he's already told people, it would confirm that my suspicious were right and that would be disappointing.

I guess it just hurts my feelings that the first thing men see when they talk to me are dollar signs and how to capitalize off my ideas, it'd be ok if we were business people but we're supposed to be friends. I talk to my girlfriends about stuff like this and they're like "oooh good idea" and they'll expand on the idea, they're not trying to get me to give them IPO shares and my first born!!

NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pTtzFTJnkA&feature=related

Ok, I know I'm going to get a lot of shit about this but this video isn't that bad. Her song still sucks smelly donkey vadge but the anime in this is pretty cool. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume she didn't have anything to do with this since I don't see any crusty wigs, chicken bones, bad skin or Adnan. Anyway, feel free to bash me but remember, sticks and stones bitches! P&K OUT!

OK, this fucking song is growing on me!

BITCH IS THE NEW BLACK

I know this is a few weeks old but I still like it so I'm sharing with you.

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/#mea=221773

Added bonus: When Oldies Attack!

http://www.glumbert.com/media/anchorreporter

WTFF?!?!?!?!

Why the fuck are these people dancing around??? ITS A FUCKING DISPOSABLE CUP!!! STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING DANCING FOOL FUCKTARD AND GO TO WORK!!

I'M A FUCKING STEAMROLLER!!

This whole Eliot Spitzer/hooker/money laundering scandal is just too much for me to bear! Ok, true confession time, I kind of have a tiny crush on him! He's just so badass and mean and that foul mouth, what a dreamboat! haha Anyway I do think he's kind of stupid to get caught up like this, I mean for a guy who spent most of his AG career breaking up these types of prostitution rings you'd think he'd be a little smarter about how he worked it.

The point of this post is that I am hearing the most ridiculous things now. Some people think he was framed which is odd that they'd really believe that considering he ADMITTED IT, is currently hammering out a plea deal and has STEPPED DOWN FROM OFFICE!! Sure, innocent, intelligent people who know how laws work would admit to a career ending hooker scandal just to save everyone the pain of having to investigate it and clear their name. Yeeeah, that makes TOTAL sense.

And the other big one I keep hearing that is that he WANTED to get caught. It was a CRY FOR HELP! Are these people for fucking real? I mean what fantasy land are they all on? Did mars open up for business? The only thing he's crying about is being caught out. If he was trying to get help he'd tell his wife and family first NOT get caught up in a sting operation and then tell everyone. COME ON!!

RICK JAMES HAS TO BE PISSED ABOUT THIS