EARTHLINK INTERNET NERDS

The earthlink commercial that shows "real people" instead of a server is really retarded. Frankly I'd prefer a server to these dorks. And of course, because it's something I'm looking for on the internet, I can't find the video.

GIVE THEM THE BAMBI TREATMENT

In Page 6 today:

"DISNEY honchos still plan to turn their made-for-TV hit "High School Musical" into a real movie, but they may have to do it without the TV version's major stars, Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens. A tipster says Disney is "only offering them $1 million each. Zac and Vanessa aren't going to do it."

This is pissing me off. These two were nobodies last year and Disney swept in and made them famous with some stupid ass formulaic song and dance bullshit yet they think they can start demanding more money? These KIDS are being offered 1 million dollars each to do a stupid fucking movie that's already had a sequel to it and is aired on TV and that's not enough for them? Is everyone losing their minds??? Is 1 million dollars now nothing, has the economy tanked that bad? When does a fucking teenager get so fucking uppity from doing FUCKING DISNEY MOVIES, that they think they can start making demands like this, like they run the show, like they're Harvey fucking Weinstein?!?! Disney made them famous in one movie, they can certainly find another pair of bland wannabe Lindsay Lohan/BackStreet boy kids who would happily take their spot and be a little more fucking grateful about. If I was Disney I'd tell them to "GO FUCK YOURSELVES" and then I'd also tell Zac Efron's mom that he's gay. REALLY gay. Like HOMO GAY.

TAPPITY-TAP

Some mornings I come in and I hear my staff typing, typing, typing away and I KNOW it's not work related typing. And it really fucking irritates me.

PARIS FOR PRESIDENT

Why are people (I mean people who write TMZ and celebrity blogs and shit) acting so surprised that Paris Hilton is back to partying and not reading bibles and self help books?? Doesn't this say more about the gullability of the american public than Paris Hilton? Losers.

I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF A TITLE FOR THIS

My boss is kind of foreign (french-canadian) and she pronounces everyone's name wrong. Nadine is "NED-dean" and Corinne is "COR-inn" or "CO-reen". It's really fucking annoying because I don't think you'd pronounce these names this way if you WERE french or were speaking french.

I DON'T THINK YOU CAN RETURN AN ITEM FOR SPITE

One of my guy friends is really annoying me, I've been ignoring him for a few months because I was pissed off at him for judging me and then I randomly ran into him at an event a few weeks ago and I couldn't ignore him but now I've been blowing him off, but he's getting increasingly needy: over the weekend he sent me a text that said "wish you were here" and "missing you" and then he sent me an email this morning that was like "call me, cupcake". WTFF?! I'm not your cupcake and even if you felt it was appropriate to call me that I would have to punch you in the vagina as that is the most offensive nickname you can give a person! UGH. So I ignored it out of spite and he's been IM'ing me, but I've been ignoring those to and really, what can I do to get my point across these days?

My ex, the one where we broke up over text and then he continues to check in every few weeks is still texting and emailing me, even after I told him that us being friends "is not going to happen". And one of the emails he sent me was a reply to an email that I sent him telling him we should go our separate ways!!!!!! How much clearer can I get with these assclowns?? I have just HAD it!

GAY ROBOT

I *heart* gay robot!! xoxo

WE'RE GONNA MASH POTATO TO A JUKEBOX TUNE

I'm going to Mexico in a few weeks for vacay, which is great except it was supposed to be a family vacation but now my whole family has backed out so its just me and my mom. UGH. I'm trying to get some friends to come with me, so far I have one nutjob on the fence, its actually her wedding anniversary so she said she might have to spend time with her husband (they're estranged or whatever it's called when you don't sleep with each other anymore but you share a house and you have sex with other people. Oh, roommates, that's right.)

Anyway, I'm bracing myself for more of the antics outlined in the previous post, the only thing saving me is that she doesn't speak spanish and she doesn't understand their money, so this will work in my favor as she's less likely to be insulting if she doesn't understand "those savages" and they're not likely to understand the "loco gringa".

I could see my mother having slaves.

ITS JUST MOM AND WHORES

My mother is losing her mind, I just got back from a few days alone with her and trust me. Here are some examples:

Exhibit A - Cars

When driving her vehicle tends move at a pace either 20 mph less or more than everyone else. When other vehicles move slower or faster, mother tends to rant about "crazy drivers on the road".

Parking consists of always being in at least two spots at once, despite her recent ticket for doing so and her claim that "I didn't even buy anything at that store" which apparently did not work as a legal defense.

Changing lanes is done without signalling and at the most inappropriate times such as a double line or car coming in the other direction.

Exhibit B - Dining out

Arriving at a restaurant will loudly exclaim "see, its not empty" to whoever is directly behind her. If it is empty she will ask the waitstaff "why is it so dead here?".

When asked if she had made reservations she responds "I didn't think we'd have to make reservations here" with a laugh.

Loudly asks "is this fresh?" within earshot of at least 2 patrons and an employee of the restaurant.

Exhibit C - Miscellaneous

Repeats her stories over and over and over and as if she had never told it before. If she has a phone call she will repeat the entire call at least 3 times, regardless of whether you had been sitting there and heard the entire thing already.

Asks you at least 40x if the "corn is fresh" or "what time is it" or "what kind of wine goes with wine" or "how much fat is in it" or "what is the internet".

Lusting after men that are at least 30 years younger than her (EW). I think we have to get her medication checked.

SOOOOOOO CLOSE!

Ok, I'm pretty much turning this blog into an anti-cuteoverload, but I just can't resist animals that are doing disgusting things!

TUBBY TABBY

who's a chubby wubby kitty cat??

SUCK ON IT, CUTEOVERLOAD!

I'm feeling slightly better than yesterday, that typing is still annoying me, but I've so far refrained from setting her on fire. I found this picture of my dog last night, I figured I'd share it here since those bitches at cuteoverload won't post any of the 8000 photos I've been sending them since last year. Stuck up snobs. Like snails are cuter than this??? I don't think so!

CLACKETY CLACK

Ok, I totally realize how ridiculous this is, but I am so irritated right now (today, always) and the person who sits to the north-west of me is typing so loudly that I want to scream at her to go somewhere else.

I want to throw a fucking keyboard at her.

I want to leave and not come back.

But I also want to set her computer on fire before I leave.

THERE ARE NO WINNERS, ONLY LOSERS II

I'm suspending the contest for a little while, I'm kind of bogged down at work and I'm not able to write as much plus there were no winners so I don't think anyone will miss this. However if you do see a title that you think is from *something* feel free to leave it in the comments and I'll still send you something.