MIXED MESSAGES

These commercials make me feel like I should be on drugs to understand them! I mean aliens stealing your girfriends, dogs that shun you, it just doesn't make sense! Yet I love them. I watch them on youtube when I haven't seen one in a while. I find the drawings cute and charming, I want to download the music. What is wrong with me??

OVERRATED

Am I the only person who think Jessica Biel is overrated??? I mean she's pretty, ok, I'll give her that, but nothing spectacular. So she's a white girl with a big ass, she's not the only one out there. What about those giant chiclet teeth? Or the fact that every scene she does in a movie now is in her underwear? Unless you're Will Ferrell, doing all your scenes in your underwear usually leads to soft core porn and Derek Jeter isn't returning your calls anymore once you've gone down on on some pudgy, hairy guy, no matter how much you claim it's "art".

Or her hair in this picture. Almost every picture of her she has this stupid part down the middle and the hair is just flying around, uncontrolled by clip or headband or scrunchie. Or that upper lip that looks like its going to split whenever she smiles. I just don't get it. So she works out like every 5 minutes, big deal. I don't know, I just don't get the appeal, these "fresh faced" girls are a dime a dozen, what makes this one so special?

ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONALS DAY

This is the dumbest "holiday". First of all, if you can't appreciate your assistant/slave and need a day to remind you to, then you're an idiot and don't deserve to have one (what's next DOMESTIC SERVANTS DAY?? UGH I'm annoyed now!), secondly, why are we so fucking PC about it, calling it Administrative Professional's Day?? I mean why can't you just deal with the fact that this is for assistants and secretaries and that's what you are?? Here's your fucking flowers and free lunch, now say thank you and get back to finishing my expenses and picking up my laundry!! And lastly, don't get fucking insulted if I accidentally say "HAPPY ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONAL'S DAY" to you. Always remember rule #1, I don't care about you enough to find out what you actually do. Play along and get an afternoon off, for god's sake. Don't be such a baby!

I'M A FATASS...

I don't get jeans sizes anymore (on a side rant, do they still call them jeans? I keep hearing "denim" are they just called denim now??), I am totally clueless. I am a size 2 at the Gap and Banana, but when I have to order by waist size, a 27 (which is a fucking size FOUR!!) are too tight and when I order a 28, they are too saggy and baggy. WTF?! Why is this so hard?! How do other women get jeans that fit them?! I need help, I can't keep wearing skirts and dresses every day, people will start to to think I can't find jeans/denim to fit in to (even though they'd be right).

SUMMER IDIOCY

I just got out of the shower before and you know when you don't notice a noise until it stops? Well I realized that one of my neighbors had been mowing their lawn. MOWING THEIR LAWN!! We get ONE nice day out here, and people have fucking lawns to mow already?? We had a nor'easter one week ago today and all of sudden your lawn has now grown enough to warrant a mowing?! Is this just a little to the left of wishful thinking?? Optimism gone too far? And I live in a neighborhood where a 1'x1' patch of dirt with dog shit around it constitutes a "lawn". You could cut that with a scissors, you don't need some gasoline powered, sit-on, John Deere for this shit!

YOU'RE SO FIRED!

I was at this work event the other night and it was me and this girl that works in my group and this other woman from HR, that I'm not friends with but I talk to her in social settings because it seems that neither one of us has any friends, talking at the bar. So I was bitching about this guy that I was seeing and I said something like "it's really weird because when we're together, everything is great but when we're apart he seems to forget that we're a couple" and before I could even finish the thought HR chimes in with "he just doesn't like you that much" and I was shocked that someone would say something so mean esp. not knowing the full situation but before I could stop reeling with hate emotions towards her, the girl that I work with helpfully added "he's just not that into you!". OMG, WTF?! The next day, I dumped said assface and I texted the girl I work with to tell her and she texts back "then he was not interested in a serious relationship". Who the fuck said I was looking for that with him? And how many times do I have to say "I know this, I just was keeping him around until someone better came along" before they stop giving me "advice". You know, I'm the first person to say "give it to me real" but I am not one of those girls that sits around lamenting men all fucking day, where you just finally have to tell them straight out so you can maintain your sanity. I make one remark and every bitch in the room has to get their two cents in! I'm still pissed about this, so if you're reading this Gin, you're fired! Although I can be placated with an alcoholic beverage. :)

SIDE RANT

I haven't posted in a while and I went to go log in, via my blog page and someone else's blog came up and I almost stopped breathing and went a little blind and started to freak out, thinking someone had hacked me and was updating my blog for me. Turns out, its been so long since I posted that I forgot my blog URL and someone else has "rantastic" in their URL. I don't feel so bad that someone is obviously coattailing on my "rantastic" theme because isn't imitation the sincerest form of flattery? Also they haven't updated since January and they are not as "ranty" as me.

GET A "WELLNESS" ROOM ALREADY!