CODE RED!!

This is just the most ridiculous news story I've read, like, EVER! I mean who are these people making these comments?? It's fucking coffee people and it's not even good coffee, it's burnt overpriced shitty coffee. Personally, I'm shocked and appalled that people actually say these things. About coffee! And now I'm talking about it! Stop me!

YOUR SELLOUT IS INEVITABLE

All this Diablo Cody/Stuart Weitzman shit is really pissing me off. I'm not really all for corporate america, I think they take advantage of their employees and the rich keep getting richer and all that crap. But Ms. Cody, you agreed to wear these shoes, you knew they were made with real diamonds and were worth over 1 million dollars PER shoe! Even if it wasn't specifically written out for you and reiterated every fucking day into your precious little ears, did you think you'd be getting these shoes based on the fact that they liked you?! Did you not at all think that maybe this company would want to use your name and the prestige of the Oscars to promote their products? To act so naive really doesn't suit you, I would expect more street smarts from a former stripper and quite frankly you should be used to whoring yourself out - at least this time you're getting money/diamonds for it instead of cheeseburgers and condoms. I don't think for one second that she's being "indie cool" about this, I mean let's not forget the fact that she did accept the shoes in the first place, this is just her way of trying to cover up the pretty obvious fact that's she's on the path to selloutsville.

UPDATE: AH HAAAAA!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA I FUCKING KNEW IT! Read on dear reader(s).

I HAVE PICTURS OF KATE HUDSON....*EATING A SALAD*

This video validates all my rants about TMZ that I only share verbally and when drunk

MISTER CONTACTS

Mister Contacts is at it again, he texted me at 6:51 this morning for the work email addy of a friend of mine. Now I know he doesn't even LIKE this guy, I mean he brought him up last night and called him "gay" so WTF does he want his work addy for? I'm sure its for some "project" that he's doing that he doesn't know what he's doing so he needs help from people he barely knows or likes. Ugh. So I was like "I'll have to ask him if its ok ot give out his work info" and then he texted me back and was like "forget it, I found him on facebook". Why does this annoy me so much? Am I being totally unreasonable?

BAI LING...SINGS??

Could this bitch get anymore ridiculous??

GOSSIP GRANNIES

What is happening to the gossip at Page Six?? Some "boldface" names today - Fergie, the Dutchess of Pork, a friend of Bill Clintons', some lame Jimmy Kimmel last ditch attempt to stay relevent, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Anna Paquin, Lou Reed, Bill Irwin, Renée Fleming, Patrick Stewart, Star Jones, Michael Stipe and Alicia Keys buying a BLUE HANDBAG!!! Have Army Archerd and Liz Smith taken over this column now? It's terrible! I'm so disappointed.

GOOD TIMES

You know what's awesome?? When friends convince you to do stuff like put together a happy hour or throw a party and then they invite a ton of people which you then prepare for and then they decide not just to not show up, but to not tell you either. Those people are so fucking cool I wish they would die.

MY CONTACTS ARE BETTER THAN YOUR CONTACTS

I have a friend who uses all my friends to network with. I find it really irritating, even if I meet someone when we're out and he sees that I get their number, he always asks me to give it to him too so he can find them on facebook or text them. I don't want to be that person that gives out everyone's contact info!! No one will want to be friends with me. And this "networking" isn't even work related, I swear he just does it to see if any of them will go out with him and if not at least he looks like he has a lot of friends on facebook. This really fucking bothers me, to the point where I am not just not responding to his requests. I know that's immature but I feel like if he wants to network so badly he should fucking get his own contacts, right?!

KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS!

Bill Cosby was right!

ON A BED, ON THE FLOOR, ON A TOWEL BY THE DOOR...

I'm starting to love this guy!