THANK YOU FOR BEING RUDE!

I was out with some friends the other night, having drinks, laughing it up, hitting on gay men, all the normal things that women do these days. I go outside for a smoke and I come back and the girlfriend of one of my friends goes rooting through my bag which I am holding on my lap (because someone is sitting on the seat next to me where I normally place my bag, selfish slag, can’t you see this bag costs more than your life and deserves to be sitting on its own seat more than you and that cheap Strawberry tube dress do!) and when I’m like “um, can I help you?”, she’s all like “oh I just want to make sure its here” and I’m like “make sure what is here?” and she pulls out $30 and says “Ernest* put money in your purse while you were away and I wanted to make sure you didn’t lose it.”

Oh so let me get this straight. Ernest is stuffing money in my purse when I am away and can’t see it but you feel it’s your job to let me know in no uncertain terms that it’s there and we should all acknowledge his generosity?? Well thank you Miss Fucking No Manners, nothing makes me more warm and fuzzy inside than knowing that you are selfish bitch who can’t even let her boyfriend do a good deed, even if its not that good of a deed considering a) I paid for almost his entire going away dinner and party because his family and friends were too cheap to pony up some dough, b) I just paid for all your food that you gluttons just ordered and that last round of drinks and I don’t even know you, and c) I’m always lending him money for cabs and shit at the end of the night when he’s done buying drinks for women who are not greedy euro-trash skanks (ie not you).

Thanks PiggyBack Money-Whore, but next time, if you’re going to draw attention to the fact that there is money in my purse either let it be your own money or let it be more than $30, seriously. My dog shits out more than that. Come ON!

*not his real name, and yes, I hate my friends enough to give them the worst names I can think of.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO GET LAID (AND ITS NOT ME!)

Last night I met up with some peeps for drinks and this guy who had recently moved to the west coast was totally bragging on his Lexus SUV (even after *someone* so nicely pointed out that that was a soccer mom's car) and he stated "driving that car gives me orgasms!". Do I even need to describe what this guy looks like, or how many dates he has NOT had in the past few months??? Why do I hang out with such losers?!

FUCKING FRIENDS

Ok, I'm in a really pissy mood today so pretty much anything will annoy me, SO STOP BREATHING, OK?!

I had this convo this morning with this guy that I am friends with (we went on a couple of dates and I wasn't feeling it but we're "friends" now). One of the reasons it didn't work out is because he's needy and over-excitable and just kind of annoying. Sales guys, what can you do?! Anyway for about the 4th time since I have known him, and twice within the past two weeks, he lost his cell phone and asked me for my phone number AGAIN!! So I gave it to him all 4 times, the last time being this past weekend when he emailed me for it. So he has the fucking nerve to email me AGAIN TODAY for my phone number. So I pretty much flipped out and was like "this is so rude, if you are going to lose your fucking phone every other fucking week then you best put everyone's phone numbers in some sort of rolodex because its fucking obnoxious to ask your friends every goddamn week for their phone number!! Did you lose all your business contacts? Oh you keep them in a book, BECAUSE THEY'RE IMPORTANT?! WELL DO THE FUCKING SAME FOR US, ASSHOLE" I mean COME ON! Well I didn't use quite so many caps or "fucking's" but you get the idea. Anyway he's trying to be all coy and "funny" (and when he's "funny" he's even more annoying) and inviting me to rollerskating at the Roxy but I was not to be appeased so easily. I was so fucking pissed off at this, I couldn't let it go. So then later he IM's me trying to be all nice and saying he wants to go to this restaurant I want to go to, with me, blah blah but I wasn't having it, and I told him to settle down because he was getting all over-stimulated again (he tends to send IM's like 12 in a row, without waiting for a response from you) and then he told me to SETTLE DOWN and that was fucking IT. I was like "don't talk to me for a few days, I need to be "you" free for a while" And I know that was so fucking mean, but seriously, I just can't take it anymore. How do people not know that they are being annoying? How can they believe that sending a person 7 random excited IM's throughout the day that consist of 22 different statements each, is not annoying? How can they think that asking a person for their phone number every week is not fucking annoying? How can they think that telling me to "SETTLE DOWN" is going to be received well?! UGH. I've fucking had it with people, seriously, this is the end.